So we've got BTC and ETH moving in a sideways motion like they're trying to attract somebody on the dance floor. I'm appalled, personally. They can't dance, and they both need to quit trying. Just go up into the VIP like you're supposed to and give everyone else some elbow room.
Unfortunately, the price of bitcoin and ether aren't listening to me. So here's how to navigate a sideways market in crypto.
- Set up your yield farms. A sideways market is the perfect place to yield farm in because you take the lowest amount of impermanent loss. I went more in depth on the subject in a previous writing. But when you're not making money from capital gains, the market still owes you for the risk you take in holding assets. Monetize this through yield farms.
- Find low cap gems to stake. A sideways market is also the best market to stake in, especially stakes that may have a lock-up period. Even if you believe in the project, it's still a bit disconcerting to see the price drop on a coin that you have locked up. Buy in when the price is low so you have a floor for your nominal capital numbers.
- Reacquaint yourself with your significant other. Sideways markets by definition don't provide a great deal of drama. If you're a market trader, you like volatility — don't lie. Outside of the markets, the best place to get some drama is with people. Start some shit with your partner and see how you get the same rush as when your coins drop 25% in a fantastic dump. If you don't have a partner, dress up and go clubbing. Spending so much time watching the crypto market has definitely rug pulled your social skills. Add some alcohol to that and watch the sparks fly!
- Go play with your nieces and nephews. Remember all of those people that you are playing the crypto markets for? They miss you. And now that you have more money, you can come back to them with presents! Harvard studies have shown that every $10 worth of present you give makes up for 10 hours of neglect in the mind of a child.
- Smell the roses. Take the time to put into practice all of those cute little Instagram slogans the thots post to make themselves seem deep. Smell the roses. Say hi to your neighbor. Keep calm — do XXX.
Did you see what I did there? I totally started out with market tips but then ended up with life tips? Much psychology! But that's right. The best thing you can do in a sideways market is set your yield farms to farmin' and let the market do the work for you. There's no reason to have all of these computers around you if they can't free you to live a better life anyway, right? Right! So take all of my tips because I'm a genius and improve your life.
That is all. Thank you.
