Crypto media are responsible for their publications since investors and traders consider them as one of the main instruments of fundamental analysis. April Fools’ is the only day we can release the Kraken, but not the Kraken Press Release. From crypto word plays to pretty plausible projects — we decided to look through all the craziest topics, spice them up a little and come up with our very own news!
?? Link Marines are now included in the US Army as one of its branches
The brainchild of Chainlink after being diligently pushed to the crypto top finally achieved its moment of Fame as it is officially recognized as one of the US military branches. According to Jonathan Wink, the general officer of the Marine Corps, the Link Marines community support showed its penetrating power which appeared to be strong enough to make the command consider them as one of the main combat units of the state. “For those who take it as a joke, we suggest to note the time in which 4chan memes will fight stronger than flamethrowers,” — added General Wink.
?? Paolo Ardoino presented brand-new Arduino-based USDT 3D minter
Recently presented USDT-minter will allow practically anyone to mint USDT simply by buying a newly developed hardware-board. It was made to increase the popularity of the Tether and also to attract the interest to the stablecoin from the newbies in the digital world. Paolo Ardoino says that at the beginning he thought of the project just for his own entertainment, but later decided to make it public. The most intriguing detail is that the max amount of USDT minted can’t exceed the price of the minter, otherwise it will compromise Tether.
?? MicroStrategy bought Comic Sans as NFT as Microsoft released NTF to NFT converter
On the wave of NFT rage Microsoft didn’t want to stay out of the game and quickly presented its own NTF (Microsoft font Format) to NFT converter. Probably thinking that the word play will attract extra attention, but also making it possible to mint any font as a digital collectible. They have minted 5 most hated fonts as NFT and sold the Top-1 Comic Sans for around $100’000 to MicroStrategy that seems to turn its attention from Bitcoin to NFT at least while the topic is still hot.
?? The Declassified CIA data states that Stalin was CryptoPunk #7804
The anonymous source leaked some simultaneously revealing and thrilling conclusions from the CIA report dated 1951. It unequivocally declares that USSR the most controversial and revered rules Joseph Stalin was CryptoPunk #7804 – one of the first minted NFTs, rare digital alien wearing a soft cap and smoking a pipe, which was recently sold for 4200 ETH. The news only brings logic into the item price but creates massive confusion in the way we used to perceive history. The explanations of how this time and dimensions switches are possible yet to come.
?? SpaceX will build Tubby Falcon to deliver Dipsy’s BTC back to the moon
As Teletubbies launch their first ever cryptocurrency TubbyCoin, Elon Musk switches his attention from DOGE and decides to build one more spaceship as “Dipsy’s BTC deserves to get back to the moon”. Though not mentioned, but can be thought out that later one TinkyWinky’s coin might head for Mars as well. For now new SpaceX project named Tubby Falcon is planned to be complete by 2025. Knowing how SpaceX founder’s attention affects the crypto world we can easily expect the new Buy the Dipsy movement arising.
?? Buterin is ready to flood Ethereum mines with fees to hasten the switch to 2.0
As the old system gets more and more out of date, energy-consuming, and criticized for it, Vitalik Buterin considers flooding the existing mines by the dramatic fees increasing to hasten the gradual transition to Ethereum 2.0. “This will save the environment, cut the lucrative miners salaries, sending them on retirement savings as the blockchain moves to Proof-of-Stake,” — said Vitalik.
?? Binance Smart Chain admitted as the best tether for DOGE
As BINANCE Smart Chain spreads its arms across all the crypto and DeFi projects within reach it actually achieved some recognition from the DOGE community during Doge enthusiasts gathering in Toronto. Everyone unanimously agreed that the Binance Chain is the Smartest and strongest and will keep the DOGE tethered from running away anywhere (even if Musk wants to take it to the moon).
Post Scriptum
As you may have noticed, some of the “news” is quite hard to distinguish from the truth: the USDT minter has been released along with the real record-breaking minting whale alert, the Tubby Falcon has broken the tether of “a literal Dogecoin on the literal moon”, NFT frenzy got Ethereum miners puzzled, and Link Marines have always been an army on their own.
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