Hello, HODLer! In my journeys across the cryptospace, I have run into some interesting characters. What's even more interesting is that they show up in every crypto project without fail. Here are the first five this intrepid explorer has discovered.
The Demanders -- These are people who are impatient for instant returns. If they're not making money RIGHT NOW, they're losing money. Their outrage is inversely proportional to their investment, of course ($50 or less = RAGE!). They have a special kind of ultra-butthurt rage when long-term projects fail to make 6 figures in their first week, though. They fly in like pigeons, squawk and poop everywhere, then fly away to their magic rage castle in the sky.
The Superfans -- These are people so obsessed that celebrity stalkers avoid them. The coin is their boyfriend, their mom, their reason for living. They clamor for coin-branded underwear to show just how committed they are, and then post photos on social media wearing it to back it up. The really committed ones tag for the coin, get arrested for the coin, get tattoos of the coin, or somehow manage all three.
The Grudge-bearer -- This is a guy (usually) who has some kind of unsolvable problem with the coin. He doesn't even have to be hurt directly by the project -- sometimes he is just a moron, but blames the project because it allowed him to do something stupid. The older the grudge, the more legit he is! He's the one who haunts the Telegram channel, gets booted every night, but shows up like clockwork. Some of these are actually bots, programmed by rival coin devs.
The OG Whale -- This person invested before investing was cool. No matter how early you got in the game, he got in before you. He knows the devs personally. He even has some of their sixth-grade photos as proof. Although he is now rich beyond his wildest dreams, he still finds time to brag about it every day on the Telegram channel. Sometimes the truth gets out, though, and everyone learns that he lives in that old Kia under the overpass and drinks Smirnoffs spiked with cat litter until he passes out.
The Conspiracy Theorist -- These people are obsessed with what they don't know about the coin, and everything they do know is a conspiracy to keep the truth from them. The price rose? Conspiracy! The price fell? Conspiracy! The price didn't change? Definitely a conspiracy there! No matter what happens, they know the truth is out there, but their paranoia and suspicion prevent them from ever finding it. Conspiracy!
Lastly, the artwork is original. No, there will not be NFTs, because they're not pixellated enough for that. :)
Until the next episode!
