I think I'm on a joyful tip, so excuse me a while... while I just express some positivity... I often veer towards the darker side of life, reality... Life is fucking hard and shit quite often, especially beyond a certain point/age. I'm genuine, so I can't pretend it's not...that it's all good, IT AIN'T!...but...today, I just had a rush of positivity. And that's acceptable. I can swim in that, to refuel, if nowt else.
This song, that I've played around with considerably (Airplane Mode by Limbo), my eldest introduced me to whilst we had dinner al fresco this evening. A lot of his music is really thrashy, metal, teen angst stuff, which I LOVE!!! Reminds me of me yoot...but this stood out as different...links into my instincts too... It's just so raw, needy, brutal and yea... relatable... makes me wonder what he feels when he listens to it...
What do I think...? That it speaks of the silliness of love...the silliness we, as adults, too often forget, until we are rudely reminded! ?? It reminded me that all is to play for, cos shit is cyclical, as Trump being dethroned should show us all - yah - remember though, much work to be done to make sure we don't get another or worse Trump type in 4 years time as a backlash, if we don't deal with that 71000 - but mainly, life moves on. We should ALL remember that. I keep trying to tell my eldest, my...son (still hard to say that) that what he is experiencing now will not last forever, knowing my words are just words. They will mean little for some time... until they one day slot in. But when do my words to me slot in?
I've been in love my whole life...with the idea of true happiness...at points I thought that meant a (particular) boy, at points, how I was received, at points, what I have achieved... Right now... It's simply balance.
Covid has fucked us all a new ass hole but rather than see that as being shafted, I CHOOSE to see that as an opportunity to pause, reflect, grow... Fuck you Covid, watch your own ass bitch. I can still see happiness...and maybe one day it looks like a boy (man), one day it looks like a job, another day it looks like ability...one day IT WILL LOOK LIKE ME...
For now though, I'm just remembering what that feels like... That pure poeticsm when hormones are raging, like it's eternal summer and NO ONE COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND, because it's all so raw... As Assata Shakur said "revolution means learning from your children"... I'd go further to say it means being humble enough to understand that as adults, we are not THE authority, not superior but simply a guide that also needs guidance sometimes... listen to your kids. Be big enough to hear and learn from them...
Hope this rant makes sense :-)
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