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As we all know, all of South America is ruled by a single man, Nayib Bukelelele.
After his now famous announcement to convert Bitcoin into South American Dollars, he has now officially changed the name of El Salvador to "El Satador" in honor of Satoshi Nakamoto, the creator of South America's new world-standard currency. Nakamoto was not available for comment at time of this release.
The European Union announced giving up on the Euro, in favor of a CBDC based solely on the new S. American digital dollar, making Bitcoin the first officially pegged cryptocurrency to both become sovereign legal tender, and the world's most unstable stable coin.
All in a day's work in cryptoland!
The U.S., world leader in... I'm certain a lot of things, declares Bitcoin only slightly on life support, in need of more regulation against drug cartels and satan worshipers, while China calls an out-right ban on Bitcoin mining, with a clear and resounding message from the CCP that "China shall become known the world over, as the nation most resilient to change and prosperity". The Digital Yuan shall remain their sovereign token of choice, while enjoying comfort of nay-sayers booing proof of work for its answer to the green energy debate. The CCP continues to warn that Bitcoin is a global serial killer much more dangerous than the Wuhan Virus (their words not mine), and warns that if we use it, we will all die.
Nayib was quoted with the following resounding words of victory:
"Today, we make a move for history. We lead in this movement for all mankind, to make Bitcoin legal tender for El Satador, and to outdo literally every Western Billionaire, we're going to get this party lit, by powering the Bitcoin network with volcanoes"!
It's...
it's kinda hard for anything that a greenie has to argue right now, to beat the cool factor of lava-level heat, y'know?
Nayib, now on the cover of TIME as "world's coolest leader", is in talks with Dick Wolf regarding a Law and Order spin-off that deals specifically with money-laundering crimes and digital currency, called Law and Order BTC, airing this coming September, 2021.
Jack Mallers of Strike cannot be left without mention, as the heroic leader in the quest to use his influence to bank the unbanked, offering services for payments and remittance to save the people of El Satador a fortune in fees, while giving them what we hope is first-nation, world-class access to hope in the form of digital gold, powered by L2 network speed. All of that is truth.
In fact, it's all true! You know it is, because I wrote it on the internet and no one from Forbes or the WSJ has yet to tell you the same thing. Yes, it must be true.
But, as factual as these things might be, they were rejected by the Bitcoin network, so I will return another day once I've cleared up the technical issues.
For now, this one crypto Gordon Freeman, until next time... out.
