I don't do relationships with humans. Interacting with them is one of the many things at which I fail. I need to find a way to get as far away from them (or, failing that) at least severely limit contact with them) as is humanly possible. I also don't do planning, because I don't see it through and it invariably goes awry. I am only as committed to one of my bright ideas for as long as it takes for me to have another one and be distracted by it. Even so, I need some semblance of an escape plan that I can at least attempt to follow, the exact details of to be figured out as I go along. This is what I have so far, although it needs some refining:
- Find a high-earning/paying dead-end job working for a terrible and unethical company that has no regard for its employees. The aim here is to let myself be abused, humiliated, mistreated and tortured in exchange for large amounts of money, not get along with other people or do something fulfilling and meaningful (since I already have a job that gives me that). After all, if my mental health isn't compromised and I'm not angry or miserable, I don't find the motivation to improve myself and my situation. I struggle with motivating myself as is, but I do know that what makes me happy makes me complacent and I stop striving.
- Find a place of my own, hopefully far away from other people (especially family members). My home country has only two ghost towns, but it is vast and has many sparsely-populated areas far away from where I currently live. Ideally, move to a different country.
- Sort out my car and buy new clothes. What I have now is falling into ruin and in need of attention/replacement.
- Change my will to exclude family members. The problem that poses is one of to whom I leave my earthly possessions.
- Change my identity: New ID card and passport, since what I have is currently invalid. This will also help with moving to a different country.
- Figure out a sure-fire way to die. It has to be one that's 100% guaranteed to kill me, but also results in nobody finding me for a while, if ever. Self-disposal, such as digging my own grave and somehow burying myself in it beforehand, is the idea for which I'm aiming. Going for a hike to a difficult-to-reach remote cave where I can "camp overnight" might be an option, particularly if there's a high cliff from which to throw myself nearby. Self immolation might be another option, although it will be extremely painful and I'd like to avoid a painful death (not that I don't deserve one).
I realise, of course, that some of these steps will need to be done in combination with others or in a different order than I have presented them, but at least I have got them down and can refer back to them. It's a start to the process, if nothing else. That's better than no plan.
Number six (the last one) is a real poser: Both the 100% guarantee of shuffling off my mortal coil (hopefully quickly and painlessly) efficiently/effectively disposing of my earthly remains in the process (so that nobody is burdened with doing that) present challenges. I'm hoping that enough research and preparation beforehand (the mistake I made last time I tried) will present sufficient solutions.
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