WARNING: The following blog post is satirical if not downright silly. Do not treat it as a source of valid information about cryptocurrency. Do not make financial investments based on this piece. Do not get this piece wet. Do not expose this piece to bright lights. Do not feed this piece after midnight. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 satoshis. AND CLEAN YOUR ROOM!
So Publish0x is holding a SwapSpaceExplained contest. Normally, I don't participate in these types of contests since my experience with cryptocurrency seems to be limited to... well... getting scammed repeatedly.
However, one of the topics for the contest leapt out at me:
- SwapSpace vs Competitors (or SwapSpace vs a specific competitor)
Now that I can work with. I fancy myself as a writer, and one of my favorite literary devices is the crossover. Batman and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Persona 4 Arena. Marvel versus Capcom.
And since the rules didn't specify that the competitors had to be cryptocurrency-related, let me tell you a story about a time where a beloved internet badass BTC off more than he could chew...
It was a sunny day in Texasville (population: 100 guns for every citizen). Chuck Norris was enjoying vanilla ice cream. But he wasn't eating the ice cream as much as he opened his mouth, prompting the grateful scoops of ice cream to jump into his mouth and become one with Chuck Norris.
But then, the rumbling of a bull market caught Chuck's attention.
"MORTALS! It is I, SwapSpace, here to help you navigate the swaps, dips, pairs, and bewares of the cryptocurrency market! ...oh, and to beat up Chuck Norris, I guess. But mostly the cryptocurrency thing," SwapSpace bellowed.
Chuck Norris threw his ice cream cone on the ground, leaving a 10-yard crater in the ground. Adjusting his hat, he snarled, "When you mess with the Chuck, you're out of luck!"
"Stand down, Norris, or I'll Ripple you a new arsehole!" SwapSpace proclaimed.
Chuck Norris and SwapSpace charged at each other. Their footfalls caused a series of earthquakes that turned Mount Everest into a pile of gravel.
Kicks were thrown.
Obscenities were shouted.
Equilateral triangles had three sides of equal length.
In the end, though, Chuck Norris fell to his knee, leaving a 10-yard crater in the ground. "SwapSpace... how... did you get... so strong?" Chuck gasped.
"It's simple," SwapSpace replied. "I'm guided by a higher power."
"God?" Chuck asked.
"No. Anna Novak," SwapSpace answered. "Now... I must be off. Little Billy's stuck in a crypto dip, and that damn Lassie won't stop barking about it. SwapSpace... AWAAAAAY!"
SwapSpace flew off, leaving a humbled Chuck Norris in its wake.
"...hodl about that," Chuck muttered to himself.
Moral: Vanilla ice cream is meh. Get rocky road instead, or you'll be beaten silly by cryptocurrency exchanges. Don't forget the sprinkles!
Don't.
FORGET.
THE SPRINKLES.
