Well, look at what we got here! Oh boy, I feel Tingly in a good way. Hold me, Igor. Draw me like one of your French Girls.
That's right, I'm entering the SHIT outta this writing contest because honestly, I'm nearly done with college and I needed a break from the madness to do what I (arguably) do best; Talk a bunch of crap like I'm some fancy "expert" or something on Crypto.
Hi there! for those of you who do not know who I am, I am Dr. SkinnerCrypto, PhD in having an asshole opinion about magic internet money. God, do I love me some crypto. From Bitcoin to Shitcoin, I'll take it. Why? It's a little hobby of mine, and oftentimes it seems like there needs to be a bit of humor in the Crypto Community. That's my de facto job. Well, that and Actually creating Shitcoins. Join the Butthurt Blockchain, yo. ON DA TESTNET!
Speaking of Shitcoin, did you know that is an ACTUAL COIN?
Now THAT is a shitty VOLUME!
That's the kinda shit you need to invest in right there. But I digress, ladies, gentlemen, zirs and theys. Today, we are going somewhere amazing. Some place that I just looked into literally less than thirty minutes ago at the time of this writing and had ABSOLUTELY no idea what it was before then. What is it? If you guessed harvest.finance, you're Effin' CORRECT! WE GOIN' TO DA FARM! CUE THE MUSIC!
So, WHAT THE HELL IS HARVEST FINANCE, GINGERLARD THE INCORRIGIBLE?
Damn, you guys are getting creative with the hurtful names. But, good question and in order to tell you, I gotta tell you a Farming story of my own.
You see, the Chunky Bearded Crypto Ass you see in front of you today was not always so. There was a time in his life where he did stuff that involved labor, and work. Living in what I lovingly call my own little slice of Bumfucked Egypt, opportunities to do farm work are a dime a dozen.
For example, I once hauled hay. If you don't know what it means to haul hay, it means that you move your fat ass super fast, picking up HUNDREDS of 60 pound square bales of hay and stacking them onto a trailer. You move all over a GIGANTIC field, and you do this work for over 12 hours in a day. And you make about 100 bucks doing it, like I did.
So, you're a hundred dollars richer, your asshole literally turns to buttermilk in the sweltering hot Swamp ass-inducing Texas Summer heat, and you feel slightly better about yourself knowing that you didn't die in the process.
Pictured: Me Circa 2011.
There's three things on a farm you DO NOT wanna do: That's jerking off horses, shoving your hand in a cow's ass to remove impacted bowel movements, and hauling hay. If you manage to do the last one and survive, you get the honor of calling yourself a Chad. Why? Because only those folks who have the largest balls possible would EVER think of doing something like this. You either have no idea what you signed up for, or you're 90% testes, and 10% sack by volume. I didn't know what I got into, and my boys grew seven times larger that day.
Career Hay Hauler, Promoted to Chad. 1970 Colorized.
Okay, the moral of the story here is that Harvest.Finance might be an Agriculture-Themed Cryptocurrency, but they offer you something pretty cool in the Crypto-Verse that you don't normally see: An EASY way to invest your sweet crypto earnings in the DeFi market without having to have intricate knowledge on the topic. I mean holy hell, look at this frontpage:
My Dog Could Do THIS.
But... How do you invest in Decentralized Finance with them?
Harvest Finance invests your earnings into different DeFi ventures, getting the highest yield using the best farming algorithms out there. If you don't know what that means, that's OK! because all you have to do is load up your crypto assets, stake it, and BOOM, you're golden. You have several crypto options to choose from with their respective APY, and if you're feeling really good, you can buy some of their FARM token and Stake that, with a HUGE annual percentage yield. Let's see you try and get that on the Stock Market!
Hold Up Just a Damn Minute!
I know what you're thinking. We have been down this road before, haven't we? Why, it wasn't that long ago that other companies such as BitConnect gave us sweet promises of high yield Crypto Riches, and they grabbed the rug from under us and did a literal Bernie Madoff. It pissed off a lot of people, and it made this guy the ULTIMATE Crypto disaster Meme in history:
I Love You Carlos, you Gullible Bastard.
How do we know Harvest Finance isn't doing the same damn thing?? Well, they're pretty transparent with their smart contracts, and have audits performed on them. Now, remember to do your OWN DUE DILIGENCE and remember that I'm not giving you financial advice. Seriously, would you take advice from someone who looks like this?
Devilishly Handsome? You're goddamn right. But a professional financial advisor? Hell no. How many financial advisors do YOU personally know that made no less than 3 nutsack jokes in a blogpost? You get the point. Do your OWN Due Diligence.
That being said, the Harvest Token Stats are seriously impressive:
You don't see this every day. Their token price is amazing, and their volume is worthy of envy. Your rank-and-file shitcoin doesn't seem to get traction like this one. There's volume, which means inflows and outflows from exchanges. This is being used, staked, sold and held. Count on it.
The FINAL WORD.
I'm making this a short but sweet piece, because honestly, Harvest.Finance makes the process of investing easy. After reading over the various aspects of it, it reminds me very much of what I would think a Crypto ETF would look like (in a manner of speaking). If they prove to be viable, they have a Banano project on their hands: Easy access to crypto finance investing with the Meme cherry on top. I have said it time and time again, if you want mass adoption, You gotta make it interesting. You cannot come to granny with big fancy words like "Decentralized Finance" and "Smart Contracts" and "Cable Television". She simply won't get it. BUT, what if you could convince her that she could grow a little bit of her side money in a new and popular type of investment with the click of a button?
See, both your mom and your sweet granny know about the farm. They grew up there. They watched Chads sweat in the bright sun, glistening pectorals and all. Wanna be like Chad, making all that sweet-ass farm money without the back breaking work? You know what you gotta do. Check it out.
Thanks for everyone who reads this madness. I can't wait to come back and be a more regular member of this fantastic establishment. Thank you!
Until next time, keep your eye on the markets. BTC is going NUTS. That's the last testicle joke for now.
