147
Let's start from the beginning; It was a warm night in ancient Greece...okay, maybe that's a little too far back. My name is Celery Cyborg and obviously, I am using my real name. I will never understand why my parents decided to name me Celery especially considering our last name was Cyborg. I mean, talk about a tender box of gasoline just waiting for a spark. The kids in school were relentless with their insults; "Bet you drink WD-40!", "Where's Dorthy at, Tin Tin?", "Your dads a dillweed!" and so on. I don't understand the dad insults because he never dropped me off at school. My friends, brothers girlfriends dad knew a guy from his work that would drop me off. I guess they thought he was my dad. Okay, enough with the joking, let's get down to business. My real name is Carrot Cyborg, I'm kidding, sorry, couldn't help myself. My actual name is really not important in the grand scheme of things. It's probably better because that way you can imagine me to be whoever (whomever?) you want and it also helps with the witness protection program I'm in. I've never been great at writing and my punctuation skills are clearly lacking. So if you see a misplaced, unnecessary, or missing comma do not be surprised. If I use an exclamation point on a basic sentence please don't be mad! I don't mean to sound angry or overly excited! I've just watched a lot of Seinfeld episodes and I remember one of the episodes explaining exclamation points being very important. So I will put one here! There! and anywhere I want to! I will also use "to" when I should be using "too" because I'm a rebel like that. I never really followed the rules. Even as a kid, I rarely rinsed apples off before I would eat them so it's just sort of in my blood to be a badass. Am I doing a good job explaining who I am?! I didn't think so. Let's try again in the next paragraph.
My name is Pumpkin Cyborg....Dammit!
Just call me Elon.
Like most of us, I had heard about crypto for a while before I really looked into it. I knew it was on the blockchain and heard it was going to change the world and in a land full of lies and hype it's not an unusual thing to hear. The next big thing was and is a common phrase thrown around by anyone and everyone looking to pump a project they are involved with. So like the majority of people I ignored crypto. I can actually remember talking to my friend, Steve, about Bitcoin and we both thought it would be a good idea to get a little just for the hell of it. Sadly to say, we never did get any and pretty much forgot about Bitcoin after that. A couple hundred bucks back in 2014 would look pretty nice right about now. At this exact point of this writing (May 18th, 2021) Bitcoin has actually dipped down to the low 40k range. Either way, I'd still be sitting quite pretty if I would have turned some greenbacks into virtualbacks. Wait a minute, did I just come up with a new term? Virtualbacks? I like it. I smell an NFT idea. BACK OFF! It's my idea, you bastard! Anyway, about three months ago I was swinging around on the Youtube tree that we all get trapped on; "I'm gonna just watch one video"...30 videos later, dry-eyed, sleep deprived, and hungry, "oh shit! I'm late for work!". So I was bouncing around youtube and going down my normal rabbit holes of conspiracy theory videos and cute cats when I came across a channel called; Chainlink Tonight. The channel had about 25 videos, they were all animated and had a talk-show style theme to them. Each episode would be hosted by a Pepe-looking frog with an androgynous voice. There is a purposeful reason why it's hard to tell if it's a girl or guy's voice, but that's another rabbit hole we don't have time to go down right now. Each video or episode would have a guest, usually a Link Marine or someone who was known to the stinky linky (ChainLink) community. There was some offensive, inside jokes and a lot of topics I was completely lost on, but my conspiratorial loving brain and thick-skinned attitude were fully intrigued. I don't get offended easily and any time a crypto blanket can be weaved with esoteric yarn, I'm intrigued. Chainlink is just that crypto; The number 216, the use of the word oracle, and meme magic (magik?) are just a few rabbit holes you can go down if you so wish. This was the spark that I needed to ignite the flame that is now burning bright in me. I love the crypto world! Whether it's the interworking of the blockchain, the possibility of what crypto can bring to the world, or how cool most people in the crypto world are, It's been a great start to this long road. Relatively speaking, we are still in the beginning days of crypto, and there are many similarities to the wild wild west. Mostly, a lot of gunslingers and horse shit. Yeah, I said it. But it's true. So many people kicking ass in this showdown, but there are also a lot of people flinging horse shit all over the place with no regard for the stains they're leaving behind. Scams are everywhere and the amount is growing daily. Be careful. So i watched every single video on the ChainLink channel while taking constant breaks to try and figure out what the hell they were talking about. Future millionaires, as many of the guests assumingely are, would spite tales and stories of valuable knowledge that I just knew had bigger meanings. Much further down the road now, I realize there was a shit load of trolling going on and many references were to past successes of trollery. But never the less, there was still a lot of good information and ultimately it leads me to where I am now; on a Caribbean island being feed grapes while getting my toes sucked by virgin princesses. Oh shit, sorry...I drifted off there for a minute. It leads me to where I am now, which is still broke AF trying to get by. So you may be asking yourself "why the positive attitude about crypto then, Celery (Elon)?". "Why are you acting like you've been successful with crypto then, Celery (Elon)?" Well, first off, I'm not acting like I was successful at all, and secondly...., actually that was it. Just that one thing. My point is, I went down a damn rabbit hole and now I'm into crypto! So that's my story. Absolutely jack shit about me personally and really not much info about crypto. I'm not sure I actually know what I'm doing, but I will tell you one thing; I feel like I'm in a Macdonald's commercial because I'M LOVING IT!
If you actually got through that garbled mess of incoherent babble, I applaud you. I could never of read this dribble.
Celery Cyborg
(Elon)
