4
Love is the name sex is the game , fuck the name play the game .
This is the sentence that was leading me trough this period of my life.
I was 18 and "free" the world was in front of me screaming come and enjoy me , and I did as much as I could.
I was working at the famous coffee bar in the centre of the city , and I was earning nice nice money .
My mounth salary was about 3500kn., but I didn't need that money I was stealing 1000kn. per day .
I was spending and spending and spending some more , I was giving myself what I didn't get from Mladen and Jadranka , they would buy my clothes and shoes but fake and cheap ,and if I wanted something original they would beat me up in the middle of the shop or street , if there were a lot of people around they would wait till we come home .
So in the school other classmates would tease me because of Adldos instead of Adidas , Nicke instead of Nike , Livis instead of Levis ..., I was always the poor one it hurt a lot .
So now was the time to give myself , Lacoste , Energy , RayBan , Adidas ...everything I wanted , and of course I didn't have to do speed no more I had money for the cocaine .
Looking trough my eyes I was free , didn't answer to no one , working when I want to , I was cruel to Mladen and Jadranka , Mladen was threatening me with the police and how he's gonna kick me out from the home , I don't give money at home , I would answer , you can call the police and say what , what am I doing wrong ? , nothing so fuck of , you can't kick me out I have my children's right to be here , I don't give you money because I only sleep here , I don't use water or electricity or your food .
Jadranka in the other hand "changed" , it wasn't a change it was manipulation , I am worried about you thell me where are you all the time , what are you doing all nights , come home your father just doesn't understand you now ... I would laugh my Lounges out , you think that I'm not home because of him , hahahahahaha, he doesn't understand me hahahahahah , you are worried HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not home because both of you , maby more because of you than him , you were the one beating me every fucking day , he would to it once maby two times a week , you wanna know what am I doing all day and nights , I'm consuming drugs and fucking with everyone ,you say he doesn't understand me there is nothing to understand , I'm not asking anything from you two , I live my life , I'm not Ely (brother from now on) , I'm not stealing from the house to buy drugs , I'm not beating people on the streets and stealing their money , you don't pay for lawyer to take me out from tha jail , and when you spent all the money on Ely to bring him back from jail you gave him an apartment so he can live by himself ,what did I get a small room when I was 15 till then I was sleeping with you in the bed. Fuck you fuck Mladen and fuck Ely , I gave my best to protect my little niece from your beating , from mother and father drug addicts . You are all monster's any you disgust me.
Jadranka starts to cry and to be a victim and starts yelling you are a liar and mentally fucked up , and crazy , you are like your father you were beating me . Shame on you , shame on you Jadranka , that's why your brother's and sister's never call you . Little niece was only 10 when she called me on my phone screaming for help , that Mladen was beating you up , I ran from school to get home as quick as possible ,you were on the floor covered in blood , I ran to the Mladens room to get him what he deserves ,you got up from the floor climbed on the window and screamed on me to leave him alone that you're gonna jump , all in front of my little niece.
I took her and run out from the house that she doesn't look at that. Few months later you fell down the stairs with a glass in your hand , you cut your artery on the hand , Mladen came and was just Looking at you , asking what's wrong , Ely was high on Heroin , he barely could stand on hit feet , you were bleeding out , I was the one that saved you and stopped the bleeding , even Elys life he was overdosed you were beating him , I was the one that brought him back . I would maby be better that I didn't you were all be gone now , you don't deserve me.
I was fucking pissed , took my stuff and went to Slovenia for couple of weeks with 100 extasys and 50grams of cocaine .
There I fell in love with discotheque Ambasada Gavioli , I was opening myself to everything that came up to me , being with 2 girls , tired new drugs , Ice , Flash , clean MDMA in crystal's... it was wooow , and girls were diferent than in Croatia , no calling no messages ,nothing just "Freedom".
At one point I was out of money so I need to come back to work. I was back in Split Mladen changed the lock on the door , I entered trough the window, stole a key and made myself a new one , they called a police on me , police did nothing and leave me in peace and said to Mladen to leave me alone. Than I promised to them from now on I'll always be here , and now you'll see what you done to yourself.
I was back working and partying in my home , drugs were everywhere ,camera's, and naked girls , screaming at night , passing trough house naked , we were making porn video's and fucking ourselves up with new drug to our list LSD mmmmmmmm.
Day's looked the same for those few years just with diferent people, Working on days in the summer ,nights were reserved for you know what , winters were for me to move from Split for couple of months.
Than one day something happened , me and my K family ( Kendo Family), group of people I was spending all night's and day's , we were out of my place because of the Mladen and Jadranka , they were annoying us and we moved to Bokys place .
He had a small daughter 2 yo Sara , most amazing kid that I met , she never cryed , she was always with the smile on her face .
I was on my way to his place to take some shit from the place , Boky vas on the work , his wife Tona was home with Sara , i parked my motorcycle in front of the building (8 floor building) , than suddenly Sara falls from the window .
People rushed to her , and I was on the way to the apartment and hiding the drugs from the place , Tona was on the window screaming .... .
I rushed out with the drugs and hide it in my motorcycle , set down in the middle of the street and started crying and didn't stop for day's ,drugs didn't help, sex didn't help , I was crushed by the feelings and emotions in me , at that point I knew something changed in me just didn't know what .
Boky and Tona broke up , we all fell apart , and I started doing my friend's girlfriends , it was my new addition to have every girlfriend of all my "friends" .
And it happened , I almost had every girl that I wanted , but that thing that thing that changed , I had no pleasure anymore ,I was diferent .
Something has shifted I need to know what , and can't take little Sara out of my head .
Till the next time , this was a bit hard for me to write about.
AHO
